God is Love

God has been working my heart on this very topic. Love. Before I get started, I know this may be painful for some... I am sorry and hope you can see the amazing hope and love He has for us....

God IS love. [1 John 4:16] We know that from scriptures, and that means... the uncontrolable, fierce love I have for my children, the faithful "butterflies in the stomach" love I have for Huntlee, the likely borderline idolatry love I have for beef fajitas in homemade flour tortillas or Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls.... all are from Him. We love because He first love us [1 John 4:19] I suspect the love for fajitas and cinnamon rolls may not be what they had in mind there.. but lets go with it. Those things make me smile and are from Him.. and He is good. BUT.. thats not really what has overwhelmed me lately... [Although I could REALLY go for a cup of coffee washed down with one of those cinnamon rolls, which I think would overwhelm me too]

Children

When God talks about His love for us, He uses the reference of children. 1 John 3:1] If you have children, you know the uncontrollable, fierce, all consuming, instantaneous, forever love this references....[If you don't, this is where that painful reference may come in....] But at first instance of Avery or Grant, I felt immediate and consuming love for them. I didnt know their personalities, their likes, our compatiability... I just knew love for them. Not the "I think you are cute and after getting to know you, I will love you" kind of love [As with our spouses], but something different. And not the "wipe the drool from my face or desire for sugar high but quickly turns to disgust and need for salt" love I feel for cinnamon rolls either. But a love that causes immediate protection (I almost punched a NICU nurse when she put the feeding tube up G's nose in front of me), constant pursuit of what is best for them, and inability to stay angry or hold bitterness toward them... (I do recognize I have toddlers not teenagers..)

But.. even in that love for my children, I am flawed and full of sin and my love for them isnt perfect. I am quick to anger, and I am selfish with my time.... But God isnt. That means.. His love for us (yes even ME!) is fierce, uncontrollable, pursuing of whats best, not filled with bitterness, and PERFECTED love for me. HE LOVES ME as a one of His Children! No, this isnt the first time I have heard this.. but I am stopping to let it SINK in.. to rest on my soul...and to comfort me. I keep going back to dwell on that very fact, and as I do.. the more overwhelming it becomes. And the more comforting.

He not only loves me like this, but my husband and children. It means, as much as I love my family, He loves them more and the kicker... He knows what's best of them! Much better than my limited, "wooed by cinnamon rolls" mind can know. He knows their future and has a perfect love for them. So my worries seem SOOOO silly. I have a duty to teach and protect my children, but must recognize He is the ultimate protector of them. He knows them better than me... He created them after all.

Spouse

It didnt stop with the kids (so sorry this blog is a novel), but God has also shown me the love Christ has for the church (Ephesians 5:26). The church is made up and run by flawed and sinful people [We ALL are], yet Christ loves the church with a perfect love. It is a love that forgives despite the flaws and pursues despite annoyance.

I wish I could boast about myself here... but I can't. God has shown me what an example of Christ loving the Church.. Huntlee shows by loving me. Huntlee and I have been together for a long time and he is well aware of my past [Heck, married 10 years, known each other almost 20 yrs..and I am 34, he IS my past]. He knows the good, the bad, and the UGLY and yet chooses to love and pursue me as his wife.

I live with someone who knows my wretched past in detail, and yet with grace loves me regardless. He knows my past, yet chose to marry me. If that doesnt paint the most beatuiful picture of the Cross of Christ, I dont know what does.

So, there we are.. all full of warm and fuzzy love fest. I would encourage you to dwell on the fact God LOVES you - completely and totally LOVES you. It is amazing, overwhelming, and leaves a smile on your face - much more than a silly cinnamon roll ever will.

Worthy of ALL Praise

I like to dwell on the fact that God is worthy of ALL praise.. ALL.. every last bit.. He deserves, is entitled and worthy. It resonates deeply in my soul... because I know I am not.

I always struggled (and still do) to accept a compliment - not out of a false sense of humility or self loathing (although perhaps in the past); but mainly because deep in my soul I recognize that I am unworthy of praise. I know WHO is worthy, so it wrenches my heart to think I am getting Praise that is meant for Him (sorta like taking credit for someone else's work). Any gifts or talents I have... were all given by Him, my Creator. It seems so simple.. but there is something comforting when I let it settle in my soul. He is WORTHY of ALL praise. To know the One in control, the One creator, is WORTHY of ALL praise brings peace to my heart. [what if He was only worthy of SOME praise?AHHH that would be scary!]

But even amidst this peace, I still find struggle which I 'll confess (to the two people who will actually read this :)... typically I take a compliment and turn it into a snide comment about myself. Although I would like to cover this behavior with something like "its a joke.. I am just being silly"...in reality it is just ol' fashion sin. I take something which should invoke praise and worship to my King.. and make it about me. :(

So, I start this blog along the road of my sanctification and its already a bit dirty. I have so much to learn and work on.. but I am encouraged God loves me enough to teach me and bring people into my life to help me. I pray that as I blog about this journey, we can encourage each other by sharing our stories and how God is working in our lives....Paul says it best in his letter to the church in Rome: "that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other's faith." Romans 1:12

Just breathe...

I understand the irony of this post before I write it... But the other day I was listening to a Pearl Jam song from their new album, and thinking through the words began to stir my heart to worship. [I will stop to let you gasp, ponder if that statement was blasphemous, etc]. Now here goes my explaining....

I have been a fan of Pearl Jam for many years, getting to see them in concert several times (once on a very crazed road trip to Austin, now looking back, realized by only the grace of God did we survive). In the past, their music, never stirred worship of Christ, primarily because I wasn’t saved. Now, as I run through these words as if I were saying them to Christ...regarding my own life/salvation, they really begin to cause a grateful overflow of worship of Him [God, not Eddie :) - just thought it was worth the clarification].

Take a look at the lyrics below [my comments are in yellow]

Yes I understand that every life must end,
As we sit alone, I know someday we must go, [Its true, life on earth is temporary. PRAISE HIM!]
I’m a lucky man to count on both hands
The ones I love,..
Some folks just have one,
Others they got none, [I am so grateful for our family and friends. this is a true blessing from God]

Stay with me,..
Let’s just breathe. [There are so many times when I just need to sit with God and breathe out, resting in Him]

Practiced are my sins,
Never gonna let me win, [On earth this is unfortunately true. I continually have to put to death my sin daily... but the hope that one day... they are conquered for good!]
Under everything, just another human being,
Yeh, I don’t wanna hurt, there’s so much in this world
To make me bleed. [There is pain in this fallen world, which requires our dependence on Him]

Stay with me,..
You’re all I see. [This is what I am desperate for - being in His presence]

Did I say that I need you?
Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one knows this more than me.
As I come clean. [Prior to my salvation, I was a complete fool in my rebellion and disregard towards God. As I came clean through the cross, I can see what a fool I was.]

I wonder everyday
as I look upon your face,
Everything you gave
And nothing you would take, [He did give everything on the Cross, and requires nothing of us for the gift of grace]
Nothing you would take,..
Everything you gave.

Did I say that I need you?
Oh, Did I say that I want you?
Oh, if I didn’t now I’m a fool you see,..
No one know this more than me.
As I come clean.

Nothing you would take,..
everything you gave.
Hold me till I die,.. [The peace of being held in His hands each day!]
Meet you on the other side. [Oh joyous day when I see Him - face to face!]